Sleeping Husbands: Mothers Keeping the Family Rooted in Faith

A few weeks ago, my family loaded into the car for our annual road trip to the beach. Years ago, these drives were tense and exhausting. Now, they are some of my favorite hours of the year. We’ve learned our rhythm: my husband drives, and I sit beside him, navigating, handing back snacks, anticipating needs. My role in the passenger seat is one of trust and support. Scripture uses the word “submission,” a word that has been misunderstood and misused. But in its true sense, submission is not to be made “inferior.” It is placing myself under the shared mission of our family. He trusts me to find the nearest gas station or the best place for a reststop. I trust him to get us there safely.  This two-way exchange of trust and reliance has allowed us to make many successful road trips.

Somewhere along the highway this year, I realized our road trips had become a metaphor for something deeper.  Instead of the highway to the shore, we’re on a narrow road to heaven. Instead of a rental house, we are promised a house already paid for. Unfortunately, in this metaphorical road trip, many women find themselves the driver while their husband is asleep in the passenger seat. We are left to manage the kids and keep an eye on the road. 

Of course, no one can be forced into heaven. And that reality is what makes the image of a sleeping husband concerning. What about our children? We know someday they will likely leave our car and start driving their own.  Will they take the same road? Or will they opt for the highway?

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4

These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down, and when you get up. Deuteronomy 6:6-7

Scripture consistently calls fathers to spiritual leadership within the family. Yet even when that leadership is absent, God’s grace is not. So what do we do?

There are three fundamental things that women in history have shown us to do: Pray, love, and teach.

Pray

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,” Hebrews 12:1

You may not know this, but in that cloud of witnesses sits a woman named Monica.  Since she is among the saints in heaven, we refer to her as St. Monica.  Anyone relating to the struggles of a husband asleep can take comfort in knowing St. Monica drove that race.

Given in marriage to a man named Patricius, a non-believer with a violent temper, Monica turned to prayer.  Sadly, Patricius died when their eldest of three children was seventeen, but not before converting to Christianity. Now, in alignment with our fears, her oldest son became a lost soul, living a life of sin.  Again, Monica turned to prayer.  And again, was answered.  She was able to witness her son’s baptism before her death on August 27th, 387. Her son went on to become who we know today, as St. Augustine. Even with her husband asleep, even when her son was wayward, even when all seemed lost, Monica prayed.

Praying for our family is not “all we can do,” it is the very thing we need to do. Conversion is the work of the Holy Spirit, not the burden of a wife.

Hold firm to your faith and, beyond that, be a joyful witness.

Love

What if, instead of trying to wake your husband, you lovingly took care of him? 

  Imagine the breath of relief that gives both of you.  Imagine his eyes peeking open for a moment, and he sees you, not white-knuckling the steering wheel and shooting him side-eye. But instead, you’re relaxed, you’re singing along to your music, and when you see him looking at you, you smile lovingly at him. Wouldn’t that be a sight to wake up to? You are not responsible for his soul. He will have his own journey. 

If you’re full of resentment, you’re probably not radiating joy. The narrow path is not easy. Being a joyful witness is an essential part we can play in our family’s faith, and it starts with surrender.  

Once, not too long ago, I was in deep prayer for my husband. Jesus and I were locked in a spiritual tug-of-war. My eyes kept wandering over to an adorable couple sitting near me.  They were praying together. She was kneeling with her head bowed. I saw her husband lean over and kiss the top of her head.  It was beautiful, but it was tearing my heart to pieces. It took full surrender to realize I was breaking the 10th commandment.

“You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” Exodus 20:17

I didn’t want that woman’s husband. I wanted her marriage. I’m exposing this deeply personal sin to caution others. Be careful not to look at the cars around you. God sees you. He will not abandon you on this journey. Remember, no human is perfect. Love your husband and rejoice in the journey.

Teach

Train up a child in the way he should go,

And when he is old he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6

I admit, sometimes I still have to fight the all-or-nothing pattern of thinking that tells me my children are doomed to become delinquents without their father guiding them to Jesus.

Though example is the ideal way to raise a child in the faith, it is important not to undermine the importance of teaching the faith to our children. That is where mothers excel. We are the first teachers of our children.  We sing, tell stories, and can turn anything into a valuable life lesson. Use all of this as an opportunity to teach the faith to your children. Think psalms and bible stories. Conflict becomes a lesson in forgiveness. Discipline, a lesson in love and obedience. Proverbs tells us they will not depart from these lessons. Leave the rest to the Holy Spirit. Again, we come to surrender, though that’s not easy to do.

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The man may be called to lead the family, but God chose a woman to bring Christ into the world. Mary did not force belief. She bore Christ faithfully. In our own homes, we can do the same. We introduce our children to Jesus. We speak His name. We model surrender. And even if they wander on their journey, they will know the way back.